Forty is the New Twenty

 

Forty is the new naughty. I have been reading this for a while now and always wondered what it meant. As a 20-something year old, I understood that in a different way, as I moved on to my 30’s saw a completely different meaning to it and now that I am headed towards the big 40 I finally know what it means. Of course I think that I look young, but my body does remind me occasionally of where I am in life. 

A lot changed in this pandemic for everyone across the globe, but there is a new shift that I see in me. I did the same things that all of us did – cooking, cleaning, washing, taking care of our loved ones and I continue to do so, but there is something different.

I didn’t notice the changes in me until I started noticing the way people started reacting to me. I kept wondering what happened? Why are these people suddenly calling me selfish and not liking what I am saying. I started to analyze the situation and realized that they love me but they don’t like the way I am doing things.

That led me to my next question, why do they not like the things I am doing? So I went inwards to look for answers, went deeper into my thoughts but could not find them. Then, I started noting down how my family members or close friends reacted to what I said or did. I did this for a long time and finally understood why they were all reacting in a different way.

I have started to prioritize myself and my well-being over their needs and wants. I have started to be more vocal with what I like and what I don’t. I have started to set boundaries to what I will accept and what I will not. And this is what bothers everyone around a woman who is 40.

I remember one day telling my husband a couple of months ago that I will be out for dinner with my friends & he said “again” to which I simply said “yes” and walked out, upsetting him. I had a great time with my friends but when I came home, his anger was still there.

As I changed, washed my face and put my night cream my husband said “Don’t you think you have started going out too often with your friends these days? The girls are watching you and they will also do the same when they grow up”. I continued putting my cream and giving my face a good massage (I cannot afford to look old you see) which obviously was not liked by him.

I sat down after a while and said “Honey, I know what I am doing. I don’t need anyone to tell me what’s wrong and what’s right. I am glad the girls are watching me enjoying life. I don’t want them to think that their mother never lived her life for herself. I want our girls to learn to be able to prioritize their emotional and mental well-being and not make others happy all the time.” It took some time for him to understand but he did eventually get to terms with the fact that I will now be spending a lot of time doing things I like.

A lot has changed for me in the last 6 months. Getting closer to 40 has made me more humble. I no longer worry about what people will say or think. I am no longer chasing relationships or people. I am very happy and content in my own company.

I am working on improving a lot of skills, I am working on not stressing over a pile of dirty laundry and that it’s ok if it’s not done immediately. I am learning to unlearn a lot of old habits and practicing to stay consistent in the same.

I am learning to love myself the way I am. I am learning to accept the “new me” who at times surprises me. I am learning to let go of things which are beyond my control.

I am learning to become more accepting of my emotions.

I don’t have my wish list or bucket list ready, I am learning to live in the moment and to be thankful for where I am.

Often we look at turning 40 as our mid-life crisis stage, but for me it has truly been a fulfilling experience. If I had to zero it down to 5 things that I understand at 40, then they would be:

1.      Love yourself the way you would love others.

2.      Nothing comes free, if you want something you have to work for it.

3.      Hang out with your friends more often; they love you more than anyone else.

4.      Say I love you more often; you never know who you are meeting for the last time.

5.      Take care of your mind and body, meditate, eat healthy and exercise.